


Irrational Rationality

by hedonistvenus (seafoamvenus)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji Needs a Hug, Depression, Eating Disorders, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Polyamory, and he definitely gets it, brief mention of suicidal thoughts, mild self hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:21:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29699790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seafoamvenus/pseuds/hedonistvenus
Summary: Keiji was terrible at taking care of himself when he got stressed, but luckily, he had three boyfriends who were more than happy to pick up the slack and be there for him.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Akaashi Keiji/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 72





	Irrational Rationality

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by my own experiences with depression (we love to see it)

Keiji should have been able to predict this. It was a well known fact that he didn’t cope well with stress, and recently, three of his professors had made the executive decision to assign essays all due by the end of the week. He should have taken a step back and reconsidered his energy levels. He should have taken a break like Kenma asked him to— but he didn’t, and he pushed himself too far, and now he was crashing.

Keiji slept through his alarm, and upon rolling over to reach for his phone and turn it off, he realized that it took far too much effort to do so. He felt heavy. He felt like he was moving in slow motion, as if he were underwater, and that was the exact moment he knew that he wasn’t getting out of bed today.

He sighed and closed his eyes, content to listen to the sound of Kenma getting his things together in the common room. Kenma eventually went quiet, and then there was a knock at Keiji’s door, and he was letting himself inside.

“You’re not getting up today?”

Keiji couldn’t put together enough energy to respond. He merely curled in on himself and begged the gods to put him back to sleep, so he wouldn’t have to feel the disappointment in the air.

The floor creaked as Kenma took a step into the room. “I have to leave now,” he said softly, and while Keiji knew that he couldn’t stay, the realization still hurt.

Keiji nodded into his pillow. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that Kenma had class today. Keiji had his own lessons that he should have been leaving for, but they were too much pressure for him to keep up with. The expectations of his parents and professors were far too large— weighing him down and trapping him in bed with no hope of getting up any time soon.

Kenma sighed quietly, seemingly reluctant to leave. “I have to go,” he repeated, as if he were trying to convince himself of the fact. “Text me if you need anything, alright?”

“I will.” Keiji’s words were soft and broken as he spoke up for the first time since last night. Kenma left the room, and through the walls, Keiji heard the front door to their shared dorm shut behind him. He was alone now.

The hollow weight in his chest took that as a sign to sink deeper, wrapping its tendrils around Keiji’s lungs and squeezing the willpower out of him.

He wished he was normal. He wished that he could simply address his problems and feel better, but that option just wasn’t available to someone like him. He couldn’t do anything— he didn’t bother to get out of bed, and he couldn’t even sit up to drink the water Kenma had left at his bedside. Rather than doing anything remotely productive, he spent the day fighting to stay asleep, drifting between naps and hating himself.

Keiji heard the front door again, and he could only assume it was late afternoon now. There were footsteps growing closer, and then his bed dipped beside him. A hand stroked through his flat and unwashed hair, and Keiji instinctively pulled away.

“I’m disgusting.”

“I don’t care,” Tetsurou responded, and Keiji wished that he did. His hand was back in his hair, soothing and comforting, and all Keiji knew was that he didn’t deserve it. “Come on. Let’s get you up.”

Keiji’s eyes burned with unshed tears, and he quickly wiped them away with the sleeve of his shirt. Tetsurou rested a hand on his shoulder and guided him to a sitting position before helping him out of bed. Keiji felt weak on his feet. It was the first time he had stood up since going to bed last night, and while he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, he tried his best to carry his weight as Tetsurou led him to the bathroom.

The shower was already running. Tetsurou helped Keiji out of his dirty clothes and nudged him under the warm water, and then he got undressed as well. He joined Keiji and grabbed the shampoo. “Close your eyes,” he said, and then he proceeded to wash Keiji’s hair for him. It was greatly appreciated, as Keiji really couldn’t remember the last time he had bothered to do it himself.

It didn’t feel good, knowing that he had to be convinced into taking care of himself. Keiji was an adult, and he should have been able to shower and wash his hair by himself— but despite that, thanks to Tetsurou, he could already feel the weight lifting off from his shoulders, lightening the air and allowing him to breathe again.

They finished with the shower, and Tetsurou helped Keiji into some fresh pajamas before leading him into the main room of his dorm. Kenma and Koutarou were waiting for them, and Koutarou didn’t hesitate to wrap Keiji up in a hug and pull him onto the couch to cradle him in his arms.

“You’re supposed to be in class right now,” Keiji complained as he melted into the contact.

“You’re more important than any of my dumb classes.” Koutarou’s voice was reassuring, warm, and uncharacteristically soft. “Have you eaten anything today?”

Keiji shook his head. “I haven’t gotten out of bed until now,” he said, and Kenma got up to head into the kitchen. He came back with some onigiri from the convenience store and handed them off to Keiji.

Tetsurou had stolen his seat, and Kenma merely rolled his eyes and walked away to go sit on the other side of the couch. Tetsurou caught him by the hand and pulled him to sit in his lap. Kenma immediately looked satisfied and made himself comfortable, and Keiji almost found himself smiling at the interaction.

Koutarou kissed the shell of his ear. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Keiji responded. “I apologize for worrying you. You must have been busy today.”

Tetsurou shifted his attention away from Kenma, turning to look at Keiji with softness behind his eyes. “You already know you shouldn’t apologize for something like that,” he reminded. “We just want you to take care of yourself, and we don’t mind picking up the slack when things get too hard for you.”

Koutarou perked up. “Yeah! We love you so much, Keiji, so don’t think you’re bothering us or anything, okay?”

Keiji smiled and laughed softly. “I love you too,” he repeated, and while that empty, hollow weight was still lingering in his chest, it was a lot more manageable than before. He could work with that.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) hope you enjoyed!! the next chapter will come out... eventually  
> 2) pls pls pls comment your thoughts so i can know what you think <3


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